How it be if a small boy was left in the jungle all alone? Well, I do not know the exact feeling but i was close. I was 12 years old when i was left in a hostel. My first feeling? I was nervous , i was afraid. It was the beginning of a journey that shaped me. And i owe everything to that moment when i landed there. ( in a car :P) The memory of the first day is like a clear fog in my mind , fragmented but clear. I had never thought of leaving my parents but there i was sort of feeling alone. At Least the first day. The only thing i took comfort was in the fact that there were other kids too, all my age and they looked equally afraid and perhaps more frightened than i was. Little did i know that i would be spending the best phase of my life with those kids. The fog gets thinner as i revisit the memory, I remember sending my parents with a heavy heart. The innocent feeling of asking ” can you stay for 5 more minutes? ” and when that 5 minutes was over i wanted 5 more. And finally after making them wait for half an hour they departed leaving me with a heavy heart. I didn’t understand their turmoil that time, i only had that nagging feeling that told me that they were leaving me because they had stopped loving me. But i now know that even they had taken a lot of courage and undergone the same difficulty i had felt when they were leaving me. And seeing the car fade into the distant road i had stood in the same place for 10 mins hoping they would come back and take me home. And when i realized that wasn’t going to happen i strolled silently into my hostel. I made only one friend that day and i roamed around with him searching new places and searching some courage within myself. When it time for bed i had gone silently whispering a night prayer my mother had taught me but one i cannot recall now.
Surprisingly i didn’t cry. I was in tears when i was safe inside my quilt but i remember telling myself that if i had cried that day then i would cry each successive night. And i didn’t. That little boy who searched courage in so many tiny situations then is still in me. Only the situations are complex and the stakes higher 😀 i was a kid then but i knew that if i had survived the first day then i would till the days to come. And yes! i did. Not for 1 year, not for 2 but for 7 years i have stayed in hostel and the best part is even now i want to. I like being independent, i like to doing things my way and i like the freedom where you can stay alone when you want to and meet your friends when ever you want to.
So if you are at the beginning of a new journey, sit back and relax a little. It’s just our first day. Its okay to be afraid, it’s okay to feel nervous. Just remember that fear drives some people where inspiration drives others. And if you can find courage in the moment you are really afraid then the courage will stay with you for your entire journey. I know it because i owe my courage to that small kid who had found some on his first day.